When a Venezuelan man approached me in the pub trying to
sell appendices, I was naturally suspicious. Then he showed me the text that
you are about to read – one of the unpublished appendices from a certain singer’s diary
that was not meant to see the light of day.
I feel it is only right that these notes are brought to light. Hold onto your hats for the shocking truth that may well see yours truly seeking asylum in an embassy in some god forsaken part of the world (like Lancashire or even Wales):
Introduction to Appendix 1
In between the occasional gig, the band likes to "record an album" so we have more textiles, mugs and lanyards (whatever they are) to sell to the balding idiots that insist on attending our concerts.
Luci once explained “the Marillion business plan” to me as:
New album = new artwork = new merch = money = light fittings & shoes.
Wonderful.
Band members each record a few ideas at home and send them to the producer to knock some songs together. The band members then go off on holiday, except for the bass player who usually records 2-3 albums with other people over the summer months.
For us, the role of producer of an album is literally that – we email him some melodies & lyrics and he produces an album. This often comes as a bit of a shock to new producers who only find out once they have signed Luci’s contract! We don’t call her Ms. Fur for nothing!!
After the producer has made the album, we go into the studio for a few days to make sure we can play the songs. We then post the LP to the people who have paid for the holidays we have enjoyed while the album was made. These strange folks pay three times more if we put the CD into a cardboard box that won't fit through their letterbox and includes a book which has their names in it.
Amazing!
Below is the guide we give to a new producer so he knows what to do with the ideas we send him.
Producer’s Guide to Essential Content for the New Album
Poor Me Song(s)
Each album has to have at least on “poor me” song on it. This is becoming harder to write from a lyrical point of view as I really have little to complain about.
The song should have me plonking around on the piano, mumbling about something I shouldn’t have done or said. Or something I didn’t do or say. The fans seem to like these so we usually stick at least one on each LP. Most of ‘em seem to be stuck in front of a computer all day and so they like to think I have a worse life than them.
If only they knew!
Prog Epic
Got a few song ideas that are going nowhere? Stick ‘em together and call it an “Epic”.
That’s all there is to it really.
When we used to record our own songs, the band advised me “if you have no idea at all where to go with an album, stick lots of unrelated melodies together into one or two very, very long songs and call it a concept album”. The larger the variety of time signatures and musical styles the better!
It apparently worked with the former singer but when I tried, the resulting album sold three copies and saw us dropped from the record label. That said, the balding idiots now say it’s a classic and we’ve sold ‘em a live version on DVD!
Twice!!
Lots more shoes!!!
Old Idea + Uplifing Coda = Live Anthem
This is a fairly recent addition to our album making process, but it has worked several times. When you really can’t make anything of the stuff we send, do this:
1. Get an old song that didn’t cut the mustard last time (or the time before, whatever)
2. Write an uplifting bit to stick on the end
3. If possible, add a sing along section
This formula creates an instant classic that will see the fans singing like loons!
More tickets sales = more cash = more home furnishings.
Magic.
Songs That No-One Likes
We like to test our fans so we always include one turkey. It’s usually an attempt to sound like a salsa band, or Prince, or Michael Bolton. When we recorded my second album with the band, we included four songs that Mr Bolton had rejected (yes – they really were that bad!). While many fans bolted for the door when we played them, some convinced themselves they were an acquired taste and they love them.
The hardcore call these substandard songs “rarities”, bless ‘em.
Classics
Please make sure there are three great tunes that we can do to death on every tour for the next 15-20 years. They should be easy to play and include a soaring MoaC guitar solo (=Mark Knopfler on a cliff). Any substandard BMoBP (Brian May on Buckingham Palace) type solos will be rejected and you will have to start again!
See you in a few months!!!
Note to editor – we don’t use the "Ms. Fur" nickname in front of Luci so please make sure she doesn’t see this bit. The first time I met her, I upset her, and she used her sorcery to turn my hair from its natural ginger to black! Now the fans are used to black hair, I have to keep dyeing it so they don’t know.
I feel it is only right that these notes are brought to light. Hold onto your hats for the shocking truth that may well see yours truly seeking asylum in an embassy in some god forsaken part of the world (like Lancashire or even Wales):
Introduction to Appendix 1
In between the occasional gig, the band likes to "record an album" so we have more textiles, mugs and lanyards (whatever they are) to sell to the balding idiots that insist on attending our concerts.
Luci once explained “the Marillion business plan” to me as:
New album = new artwork = new merch = money = light fittings & shoes.
Wonderful.
Band members each record a few ideas at home and send them to the producer to knock some songs together. The band members then go off on holiday, except for the bass player who usually records 2-3 albums with other people over the summer months.
For us, the role of producer of an album is literally that – we email him some melodies & lyrics and he produces an album. This often comes as a bit of a shock to new producers who only find out once they have signed Luci’s contract! We don’t call her Ms. Fur for nothing!!
After the producer has made the album, we go into the studio for a few days to make sure we can play the songs. We then post the LP to the people who have paid for the holidays we have enjoyed while the album was made. These strange folks pay three times more if we put the CD into a cardboard box that won't fit through their letterbox and includes a book which has their names in it.
Amazing!
Below is the guide we give to a new producer so he knows what to do with the ideas we send him.
Producer’s Guide to Essential Content for the New Album
Poor Me Song(s)
Each album has to have at least on “poor me” song on it. This is becoming harder to write from a lyrical point of view as I really have little to complain about.
The song should have me plonking around on the piano, mumbling about something I shouldn’t have done or said. Or something I didn’t do or say. The fans seem to like these so we usually stick at least one on each LP. Most of ‘em seem to be stuck in front of a computer all day and so they like to think I have a worse life than them.
If only they knew!
Prog Epic
Got a few song ideas that are going nowhere? Stick ‘em together and call it an “Epic”.
That’s all there is to it really.
When we used to record our own songs, the band advised me “if you have no idea at all where to go with an album, stick lots of unrelated melodies together into one or two very, very long songs and call it a concept album”. The larger the variety of time signatures and musical styles the better!
It apparently worked with the former singer but when I tried, the resulting album sold three copies and saw us dropped from the record label. That said, the balding idiots now say it’s a classic and we’ve sold ‘em a live version on DVD!
Twice!!
Lots more shoes!!!
Old Idea + Uplifing Coda = Live Anthem
This is a fairly recent addition to our album making process, but it has worked several times. When you really can’t make anything of the stuff we send, do this:
1. Get an old song that didn’t cut the mustard last time (or the time before, whatever)
2. Write an uplifting bit to stick on the end
3. If possible, add a sing along section
This formula creates an instant classic that will see the fans singing like loons!
More tickets sales = more cash = more home furnishings.
Magic.
Songs That No-One Likes
We like to test our fans so we always include one turkey. It’s usually an attempt to sound like a salsa band, or Prince, or Michael Bolton. When we recorded my second album with the band, we included four songs that Mr Bolton had rejected (yes – they really were that bad!). While many fans bolted for the door when we played them, some convinced themselves they were an acquired taste and they love them.
The hardcore call these substandard songs “rarities”, bless ‘em.
Classics
Please make sure there are three great tunes that we can do to death on every tour for the next 15-20 years. They should be easy to play and include a soaring MoaC guitar solo (=Mark Knopfler on a cliff). Any substandard BMoBP (Brian May on Buckingham Palace) type solos will be rejected and you will have to start again!
See you in a few months!!!
Note to editor – we don’t use the "Ms. Fur" nickname in front of Luci so please make sure she doesn’t see this bit. The first time I met her, I upset her, and she used her sorcery to turn my hair from its natural ginger to black! Now the fans are used to black hair, I have to keep dyeing it so they don’t know.